is your mom at the bar?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
