Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
