the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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