I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
