sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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