You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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