12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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