Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
