you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize