I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
