so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
