Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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