he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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