Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Drake has all the answers
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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