About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
