You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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