This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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