careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
