Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
