I need help removing her.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
