i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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