it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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