I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
nutella sex= disaster
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Omg I joined a choir last night...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
