As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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