I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
