he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
