I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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