i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize