You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
