A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
