i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
