she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
