Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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