something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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