and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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