Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
