her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
