I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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