I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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