You're completely useless in the revolution.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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