life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When are your genitals available?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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