I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
