Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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