i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
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just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
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Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
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