I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
