I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Don't make out with my wife yet
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize