i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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