All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
