I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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