Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
