Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
