Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
