i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
