did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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