You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
