Four minutes until I can fart!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
