Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
