He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
