cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
