I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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