She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What drink are we having for lunch?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
