I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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