margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think I won the penis lottery.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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