i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
