what day is it and did you see me today?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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