he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i think my cat just said my name.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
