i just sent this text using only my big toe
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
