Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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