If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
