I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The uberlube is also flammable
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
