I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
