I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
