I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
