if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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