i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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